Do not leave your country!

As the person who people can call addicted to travels and living abroad, now I can give you advice- Don’t do it! It’s too difficult… to come back to reality. And even it feels too painful, too depressing and too hard to move on.

Yes, I’m again suffering from that natural shock coming back to my country. And it’s not first time. Of course, I know that finally, I will get rid of this suffer. However, the only way I can manage that feeling as fast as possible is… going abroad again. Sounds kinda like drug, isn’t? I need to travel more and more, and if I’m not getting it, I start to experience something like hangovers or unpleasant drug withdrawal syndrome. Yes, I am addicted. And every time, after coming back, it’s harder and harder to stay for me here…

During this dark-term, I hate myself for putting to same suffer every time as I step my foot on motherland’s ground. I remember how much I was crying leaving America, because I knew- my life won’t be the same as it was during my crazy summer in New York state… It was even hard to breathe while tears were running through my face, when my Erasmus sister from Canada left me in Turkey… I knew, that she was so important  in my life and I didn’t want to loose her. After coming home I was feeling so empty, because I left my first love in Istanbul (of course, it’s different story because I came back…). And now… I found my crazy Eastern European family in Georgia and very important people who taught me something, that I couldn’t learn by myself… But  I left that life again and I won’t have it anymore.

Why it’s so hard for me to come back, but it’s not a problem to leave Lithuania? First, I always have a place to come back. And nothing is changing here. People still here, just…yeah… we are getting distant in friendship, because our lives are moving in different directions…

But life abroad is different. Because people I’m meeting are aware of the short time we have. So there are no time for dishonesty, for masks and pretending someone you are not. You experiencing daily routine with them. You are living, dancing, laughing, shopping, gossiping, eating, drinking, having hangovers with them together. If you are happy- you are happy together, if angry- others will also hate the reason/person that made you to feel like this… And of course, inside jokes, that no one will understand.

After coming back, I feel like I left part of my soul somewhere. On other hand, memories always will be with me and saved as the most precious things I can have.

So, if you don’t afraid of post-coming depression, GO. But I’ll not hide, it won’t be easy to come back.

 

 

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