In 2017 after 2.5 years break, I hit the road again, traveled and discovered new places. I always loved experiencing unknown and just letting myself to follow a flow. But last few years I was busy with getting back control of my life and becoming happy and positive. That took time, energy, but right now I can say “I am a happy persona again. I feel like I can achieve anything I want”.
I am young, many things are still to come. I‘m not pretending to be wise or have some extraordinary life experience to tell that I understood the world or people or whatever this life is. But it happened that I was lost. I was not sure who I am. I did not believe anymore in happiness and better tomorrow. Dark times can happen to anyone, but sometimes it may stay too long. That long that even you can start losing hope that it’ll be over.
For some time I felt like I’ll be unable anymore to feel happy because my life was full-up with pain and hurt. Guilt and bad intentions. I had no space for happiness and joy to be accepted into my life. I was stuck in past, rethinking hundred times everything I have done. I even started to believe I was meant to be broken person and I had to accept that my destiny is to suffer. I wanted to punish myself. Talking, overthinking, going through anything that reminds me past and keeping feeling all bad things over and over again. I genuinely didn’t love myself… I was intentionally making unhealthy choices, physically and mentally wise. I was treating myself in the worst way possible.
I can not tell you that I woke up one morning and it was over. Time was not healing me as fast as I wished it would. It was not enough simply just to wish happiness. I knew I wouldn’t become happy again if I will not do something to make this change happen. Slowly I tried to restart my life and do things which would make a positive impact for me. And most important, I had to identify what was holding me back and contributes nothing to my growth. It was past, which I was not getting over with. I had to move on. And I did. I was just tired of crying about same and same again. I gave up to make a place for happiness in my life. I decided to let it go and stop thinking about my past anymore.That was uneasy, but its possible.
When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to contemplate the past. When the past memories creep into my consciousness, I try to bring myself back into the present moment. Concentrate on positive or more essential things. Like… my brilliant job, which takes all my time, energy and puts my craziness to great use. While hard working and establishing something amazing, I was healing myself and returning back to someone, I have been before that confusing life period. Kind, happy and motivated. And wiser this time. Being successful in what I do, made me get back my self-confidence and belief that I can accomplish anything I imagine. I started to love myself and my life again. Feel strong and independent. And most important I again started to feel like someone up there likes me a lot… when I start loving myself.
I have no idea what next year will bring into my life, but I am sure I will be happy. I learned I am the one, who needs to take responsibility for my own happiness. And what‘s about the past? I can not undo it, but I have the freedom to choose what I will do with what happened to me. And I choose to be better than ever version of myself!