One of these kind of nights when it seems to impossible to fall asleep. Maybe because of caffeine in midnight’s Coca Cola glass, maybe because to many thoughts about next year and how to manage everything.
Or maybe, because I am not feeling very happy. Most often here I am feeling…OK. Not so bad, not so good. Just OK. I don’t like it. But I will put a fake smile on my face and continue a performance…
I have problems. However, most of the people I got to know here, every week are coming/calling/writing to me to talk about their problems. And I am listening, trying to understand them. I am honestly putting efforts to find solution for their personal dramas. I’m patient and I’m willing to hear about their lives.
Stories from DramaLand aka Turkey are about jealousy of partners (and its very common story). Some stories about learning and failing how to trust. Other stories seems like some “soup opera” with crazy people and crazy obsessions. But some, like sweet teenager love stories…
To conclude, the main problem of all of them- not talking with partner about feelings and thoughts.
So, I’m attracting these stories and I’m patiently listening them.
At least it’s excuse not to think about my own personal drama. Although, I still haven’t heard a story more complicated than mine.
p.s. wow, my blog posts becoming like teenager girl’s life chronicles.
My life in Turkey is not so exited as it was before. I’m feeling too much local here. Not so much Erasmus, but more as person who came back… again and again. Before coming here I was aware that it will not be as it was the first time. Everything looked so new, so undiscovered and I was open to do the craziest and the most adventurous things to experience as much as possible. But now, I kinda know how it is to live in Turkey. I have my routine here. Some nights out in Taksim, rides to visit Babaanne’s (bf grandmothers), daily internship, Saturdays in local market and Thursdays at university… I know my favorite food, places and people.
I don’t feel disappointed about it. I was expecting it and now I’m the most busy with filling unfinished documents, making strategies for life and cooking for my handicapped in kitchen boyfriend. I’m really spending a lot of time in kitchen, because neighbors across the street, who can see me through windows, started to tell my flatmates, that ginger foreign girl is always preparing some food… Continue reading
I wish to say that I am trying to listen my minds, but truth is different. I am trying not to think and keeping myself too busy to do so. Or I am creating some vacuum in my head when someone is pushing me to think too much. Sometimes I’m just listening music and letting myself slowly drown into lyrics and melody.
I feel that inside me something strange is going on. Some kind of breakdown coming soon and I can hear invisible clock ticking louder and louder. I breath deeply to calm down and… carry on.
I have no time, no energy to try to understand why thoughts are burning my soul. I have stuff to do. I feel scared of missing deadlines to decide about my future… I want to make a plan or strategy, but there are to many variables, so I feel powerless. And I hate this. I need to be in control of my life. I’m missing a feeling of having wheel of my life in my hands. Continue reading
Three archetypes of me. First archetype : The student/The intern
Crossing Bosforus makes me feel somehow magical. I see mosques around me, skyscrapers behind them, seagulls trying to catch some food and small houses on hills. While listening murmur of the city, the only thing that interrupts such a magical moment is the fact, that I really badly want to sleep. My campus is on another continent, so I have to take a bus and a boat…or a boat and a bus (that gets stuck in the traffic every morning). My campus is in the place called „Anadolu Hisari“( Anatolian Castle). Maybe I will become a princess of it? Neh, I don’t think so, because I am planing to visit university once a week and establish my Kingdom in Besiktas (home and internship place). Continue reading
I couldn’t grasp that I have already landed in Istanbul after seeing spectacular view of the city through the plane window, when officer suddenly started to flirt with me. While checking my passport, he expressed his thoughts about my beauty. At the same moment I understood, nothing changed since the last time I was in this country. Turkey is still Turkey.
Two days after, I was waiting for a friend in Taksim square. A man came to me and told me: “Doyouwannadirinkcola”. What? Do you want to drink cola? It was hard to stop laughing of such a straight forward strategy. Next evening somebody in the street was offering tea… I don’t know these people. But… I can’t be surprised. I have already spent too much time in Turkey, so I can not pretend that I don’t know, how Turkish do not hesitate approaching foreigners and especially girls.
First time I came to Turkey in 2013 February for my first semester as an exchange student. Since then, because of interesting and romantic twists in my life, I officially entered Turkey six times and I spend around 10 months in this country. And now, I am again settling down in Istanbul for at least next 4 months…
Now I am not so surprised or feeling exited about everything around me. In my face you can see a wise smile, because I overcame “integration period” 1.5 year ago. Now, I feel somehow local… As much, as foreigner could be.
The first morning and I am already trying some East Turkey traditional bride accessories
It was supposed to be an Erasmus+ project about youth opportunities and rights in EU. At least, I thought like this. However, more than week close to Zakopane (Poland) with young people from four countries, became a … teenager camp. I don’t mean, that participants were underage. I just want to say that they were acting as they would be in their sweet sixteens… And I was not exception too.
Project was named as “Young man can have a voice”, but for me it seemed that it was more about voices in head and how to follow them. It’s hard even to try to explain the craziness of the project and participants, but I will try to mention some details of it.
Four nations in one place. Loud, naughty and sarcastic Lithuanians, competitive and friendly Romanians, always ready to drink but little bit keeping distance- Polish and… one Swedish guy. Hmmm… In first days I was making fun of his very very Slavic name and trying to convince all participants that he is a Russian spy, because he doesn’t eat Polish apples. Later he got a new nickname – “The IKEA heater”… He was one of the favorite victims to tease and we enjoyed it. Most important that he had good sense of humor, so no one was insulted and he still wish to come to Lithuania… Continue reading
I love that feeling when I am walking on empty road and I am surrounded by fields and forests. It’s so quite that the only thing interrupting silence can be wind running between branches of trees. At this moment I feel part of environment and I can hear myself. Sometimes I know answers for questions I still can not ask. So it takes time. I need to make many steps to find out, what’s going on inside me.
I started to feel that I’m lost. I have to rediscover direction, because now I don’t feel like I am fullfilling my life. It’s like floating without managing to reach any shore. Because I don’t know, where I want to be. Continue reading
Studying in Georgia was really wonderful experience, because of people around me. My „Eastern European family“- group of young, wild and unique students. Each of us had very different personality, but we managed to tolerate differences and felt like family. It was so special. Together we were Living, Laughing, Partying, Complaining… and of course, Travelling.
Honestly, I was not so much into exploring Georgia every weekend. It was my third time in this Caucasus country. Once you have seen monastery, you know, all of them will be almost same. Once you have visited Capadocia in Turkey, none of other cave town will be comparable to it. So, if I was travelling around, I was doing that, because of the process, but not destinations. Hitchhiking and good company- it is a guaranty for a good trip.
If you’re interested in visiting Abkhazia, it’s not so difficult, as you can guess. You have to fill out application at the Abkhazian Ministry of Foreign Affairs website and after few days check your email box for an authorization letter. Print it and it’s your permission to cross “the border”. I strongly recommend crossing it from Georgian side. If you will do it from Russian territory and later you will try to continue to Georgia, you can be punished as crossing Georgia’s territory illegally and you’ll have opportunity to discover local prison for two years. You need Ingur border crossing, which is next to Zugdidi city. To reach it, you can by bus, train… or by hitchhiking, as I did with my lovely travel buddy – Edita. Hitchhiking in Georgia is always amazing, so we reached border really happy.
First of all, we visited awesome Georgian officers. They were interested, why we’re going to Abkhazia and gave as some tasty nectarines. After asking me, how many days we will be there, I answered “Four days. If we won’t come back, start search for us“. Stupid joke, because… they can not cross the border. Georgians can not visit Abkhazia (or they must to have a status of IDP- Internationally Displaced Person), but Abkhazians as the citizens of Georgia’s territory (as almost all world believes) can visit Georgia. Doesn’t sound fair…
The negative outcome of traveling a lot and frequently living abroad- is having difficulties to feel excitement again. Ahh… first times were so bright! All tastes, smells and noises. But finally cities started to be so similar, architecture and landscape not fascinating anymore, less surprises and challenges on the road. After traveling became the way of my life, I am not able to reach that excitement I had first times. Although, I’m still not able to settle down. Drugs- they are such a good analogy! The first dose suppose to be the best. Later, to reach same effect you need more or stronger ones. So it’s time to change the way of traveling. Couchsurfing and hitchhiking still give me vibes, but places not so much. I wish to go to South America, deeper to Middle East or maybe Africa, but at this moment I don’t have opportunities to do that. So, why not to go somewhere where is… kind a forbidden place? Why do not go to a territory, which is recognized as an independent state just by Russia and few other countries, but doesn’t have international recognition? Where does kidnapping sometimes happen and bombs were falling not so many years ago? “Elementary, my dear Watson. Because it’ dangerous”. Maybe yes, maybe no… maybe doesn’t matter. After all, “Danger” definition depends on the perspective.
The idea to go to Abkhazia was really attractive for me. As for a traveler who needs something new and as for a political science student who loves compare her theoretical knowledge gained from literature and lectures with “touchable” reality. And also, I wanted to get to know Georgia from all side. But wait, is it Georgia or not…?